defeated

i'm listening to: song from heaven

went to DFS with mum just now.. brought some clothes from ralph lauren. and she got some make-up for herself..

defeated. . yes again and again and again. was kinda restless through out the whole day. till i meet up with the peeps. started talking normally and felt more comfortable.

even the best fall down sometime, the wrong words seems to rhyme. i can't stand to fly. i'm more than a gal.

was walking to the lrt from sch and saw kumar and rc(maybe) helping out at bp. it makes me feel like going back 5 years ago. where i was just as plain as i was. i realised how time pass by quietly without me noticing it went across me. i love those times.. but it seems that i can never get it back. then went home.. went to check out some blogs from my sec-sch mates, hop to someone's blog.. she was my senior. then there's the sense of guilt, don't know why i'm feeling so. but.. it just made me uncomfortable.

just when i thought I'm ok. i wasn't. there's this demon in me i haven't had got rid of,... sometimes i wish i was just... and... and... and... and not.... ... ....
maybe i was just born to be like that, nothing can ever change me. ha! feel so tense up. i need massage. i wanted to blog but didn't know what to say. i wished something or someone could just light up my life.

wanted to tell my mum. but.. when i opened my mouth not a single word came out. it seems to be stuck somewhere and it lacks "courage". i'm losin' it.. so close.. and going to. it's just a matter of time. it's accumulating up somewhere.

maybe a cold shower at this weather is going to calm me down. so need to find myself a "getaway paradise". i kinda envious the kind of life Paris Hilton lead. immediately after being released from jail she got her beautician to make her look pretty, took the suitcase and fly off to Hawaii beach for a good tann. i wish i was her..