f.r.i.e.n.d

i'm listening to:-nil-

ok..watched pirates.. erm expected it to be much more better since the 1st and 2nd one was like so damn good..

went swimming before the show.. shoick.. realli "hot" now. well.. reached there 15mins earlier coz i left the pool 1hour earlier. well being my best friend sam, his late for 45mins!!! like last time.. also 45mins. despite all the warning and pre-erupt-warnings i gave him the previous few times he is still so freaking late. haa told him that his other friends late doesn't mean i'll be late. haa so today, i text him a very sarcastic mgs "well pls know that you can't FLY so don't leave house 15mins before you meet your friends especially if you're catching a movie and when you're meeting them at another end of the island *smiles*" haaa poor me and Christina have to wait for him with an empty stomach (i'm starving after swimming lor). well.. this best friend of mine made me walk to and from the AXN machine to my house twice, yet i still smile at him.

thinking of it. he's realli someone i can talk to yet... angry at but smile at him when i see his face 5mins later. i always say "i wont friend you anymore" but god-knows-why, i was bullying him the next second. treated him as my true friend, and even broke up with my bf because he cant accept my friend.

friends for 6yrs.. 1/3 of my life, the entire of my teenage life and my entire sec/jc life. i just feel so fortunate to have so much good friends surrounding me.

few days ago.. was.. wasn't really happy.. was thinking of so many things and realised how much pain i have gone thru which did not make me stronger but more vulnerable to pain. and.. at that point of time, no one seems to be beside me at all, feel super lonely, mgs different ppl and no replies. so i sat at one corner of my room blasting "how you remind me -nickelback" and do what i usually do when life is miserable. lost the radiant smile on my face and replaced it with doubtful eyes about my future. suddenly felt that i was left on this planet alone at that point of time. THEN i realised that it's ME. i don't dare to approach people. not my friends not there for me.

think about how my SL treated me. dumping out of syf, how the college ... ...

got this call from sk while i'm on the train. so good to hear her voice. so comforting. she said sorry for not replying my messages. at that point of time, i have this sense of guilt that runs into my heart and flows thru the blood in my body.

i feel that sometimes i expect too much from my friends, i expect them to know when i'm happy/sad/discourage/disappointed/down/disgusted/irritated... ... ... i should stop doing this, and realise that they're not people with super powers like those in HEROS, they're just ordinary people, they're just my friends


i'm sorry to anyone if i sound.. not-very-nice few days back